Finally have time to breathe after a very hectic week. The Sydney conference went, well, okay to put it mildly. Senang sekali ketemu Mba Titut dan Gita. Baby and I just recovered from the flu (which was quite a scare). And now, after editing my ARC paper, I have time to do 'nothing' while overlooking Malik and Arya both literally snoring.
Fremantle is not quite the itself during winter. The grey skies and windy rain reminds me much of Amsterdam.
I miss Amsterdam (at least there you expect bad weather).
Malik has been so well-behaved. He slept 3 hours of the 4 hour flight, he eats well (whatever I cook for the three of us, cut into tiny pieces, not separate meal!), he entertains himself quite well when I'm working and he really enjoys strolls to the grocery store (displayed by happy kicking and eventually napping).
I must say though, above all, I am very grateful of the man I call my partner. Returning from Sydney with the flu, Malik had a fever. During the 2 days I was out and Malik sick, Arya honestly did everything. House chores (mopping, scrubbing dishes, preparing meals) and Malik (feeding, nappy changing, bathing). And what I admire most: no whining. It would be almost natural to blame me, the person who asked Malik and him come here in the first place, who left them for a conference, who returned sick to an also sick son.
But no. Being the consequential person that he is, he didn't even realise he was being very generous until I came up with it (I wonder if I should have just kept silent). Memang dia benar-benar ikhlas kalau mengerjakan apapun.
Mba Titut: Pasti Arya ngga ngeluh deh ngerjain semuanya waktu kamu sakit.
Jadi malu, ya. Wonder if I could have done the same for him without whining. Knowing me, I guess not. But at least, having gone through this, I know it's worth the try :)
Love.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Priorities and Identity Construction
Arya was helping me organise my blog, when I stumbled upon this post:
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Identity (?)
Friday, 7th April 2006
11.33 AM
Prins Hendrikkade, Amsterdam
I was just wondering why all-people-with-children's Friendster photos always have their children dominate it?
Is it because when you have children, they dominate your life?
Is it because your identity no longer is about you but about this tiny little thing?
How is it supposed to be?
Questions, questions. Maybe I can only answer them when I have one of my own.
When?
I don't care. I'm never going to be ready. Full stop.
So, change of topic, shall we?
---
I've always trusted that identity is a complex issue. It is multilayered and will always be redefined according to our environment. There are layers that are more fundamental, which were molded perhaps decades - they are more fixed, yet still adjustable depending on individual characteristics.
However, I'd like to answer the question I'd asked myself 3 years ago.
Yes, my identity has indeed been enriched by the young man I call my son. My life does revolve around him. I still have targets, personal plans, deadlines, but I schedule them around him.
Because I've decided that he is my priority.
The question of whether or not I lose myself in him, is quite tricky to answer. I think it's about balance and priorities. We sort our life based on our priorities to achieve a certain balance (spiritual, perhaps? Psychological, mental? A psychologist would say it is to manage cognitive dissonance or conflict of will in simple terms). Identity is thus constructed by these priorities. We project ourselves consistent to our priorities.
A working woman, whose job is the highest priority in her life, would post pictures of her in conferences, as a speaker, leading a meeting, or with her workmates.
A proud father, whose child is the highest priority in his life, would post milestone pictures of his child smiling, laughing, walking.
A traveler, whose adventures are the highest priority in their life, would post the newest destination shots as trophies.
But I think that their lives are not exclusive to those aspects only. It is much more complex and the most superficial identity, the one apparent to others, are the aspect in their lives that are of most importance to them. It does not mean that their lives are limited to just that.
Then again, there is always the possibility that the image projected has nothing to do with priorities - but more to the fact that we want to create a certain image of ourselves regardless of how we are in person.
Which is kind of sad, really.
But who am I to judge. I just think it's nice to reflect on past queries and moving forward with more to bring. Cheers.
---
Identity (?)
Friday, 7th April 2006
11.33 AM
Prins Hendrikkade, Amsterdam
I was just wondering why all-people-with-children's Friendster photos always have their children dominate it?
Is it because when you have children, they dominate your life?
Is it because your identity no longer is about you but about this tiny little thing?
How is it supposed to be?
Questions, questions. Maybe I can only answer them when I have one of my own.
When?
I don't care. I'm never going to be ready. Full stop.
So, change of topic, shall we?
---
I've always trusted that identity is a complex issue. It is multilayered and will always be redefined according to our environment. There are layers that are more fundamental, which were molded perhaps decades - they are more fixed, yet still adjustable depending on individual characteristics.
However, I'd like to answer the question I'd asked myself 3 years ago.
Yes, my identity has indeed been enriched by the young man I call my son. My life does revolve around him. I still have targets, personal plans, deadlines, but I schedule them around him.
Because I've decided that he is my priority.
The question of whether or not I lose myself in him, is quite tricky to answer. I think it's about balance and priorities. We sort our life based on our priorities to achieve a certain balance (spiritual, perhaps? Psychological, mental? A psychologist would say it is to manage cognitive dissonance or conflict of will in simple terms). Identity is thus constructed by these priorities. We project ourselves consistent to our priorities.
A working woman, whose job is the highest priority in her life, would post pictures of her in conferences, as a speaker, leading a meeting, or with her workmates.
A proud father, whose child is the highest priority in his life, would post milestone pictures of his child smiling, laughing, walking.
A traveler, whose adventures are the highest priority in their life, would post the newest destination shots as trophies.
But I think that their lives are not exclusive to those aspects only. It is much more complex and the most superficial identity, the one apparent to others, are the aspect in their lives that are of most importance to them. It does not mean that their lives are limited to just that.
Then again, there is always the possibility that the image projected has nothing to do with priorities - but more to the fact that we want to create a certain image of ourselves regardless of how we are in person.
Which is kind of sad, really.
But who am I to judge. I just think it's nice to reflect on past queries and moving forward with more to bring. Cheers.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Righteousness of Right
There is a general (Western) trend to discard religion. It is perhaps safe to say one the reasons is, aside from the Enlightment and/or science, the fact that currently the biggest global conflict is related to (but not due to) religion. Cultural globalisation, the vehicle with which Western values arrive at our doorsteps, will, I think, give way for this sentiment to discard religion to secular countries - namely Indonesia.
When I was living in a Western society, I went through hiding my religious identity. I was ashamed to practice what I believe in because practicing your religion would potentially categorise you into the fundamental group.
Most people in Indonesia, however, wear their religion on their sleeves. Unfortunately, I would have to say that this is not due to their comprehension over the concepts taught in their religion, but more due to social confirmation. It was how they (we) were all built. Critical theorists would say that this is a false consciousness. Accepting constructed reality as objective reality, without questioning it.
It is from this tendency, I think, that relative truth (read: the truth of mankind) becomes the absolute truth. The way I deconstruct my religion, I would argue that if a person believes in God, they logically believe in the claim that absolute truth is God's alone. Therefore, any truth claimed by man could never be truism.
Therefore if a person thinks that they are right, absolutely right - then they fall into the concept of false consciousness. They perceive their reality as the absolute reality. Opposing (re/de)constructed reality will, according to their framework, be, well, wrong.
It is from this premise, I think, that conflict occurs. It is when our truth is above their truth (comparable to the concept of us/other). Difference can never be resolved if one party does not provide room to be wrong.
Following this logic, I think Marx got it right when he claimed that knowledge will free those enslaved by taken-for-granted reality. His concern was capitalism, the current concern of the contemporary world is social conflict. Perhaps to get things right, we need to allow ourselves to be wrong.
And I could be wrong.
When I was living in a Western society, I went through hiding my religious identity. I was ashamed to practice what I believe in because practicing your religion would potentially categorise you into the fundamental group.
Most people in Indonesia, however, wear their religion on their sleeves. Unfortunately, I would have to say that this is not due to their comprehension over the concepts taught in their religion, but more due to social confirmation. It was how they (we) were all built. Critical theorists would say that this is a false consciousness. Accepting constructed reality as objective reality, without questioning it.
It is from this tendency, I think, that relative truth (read: the truth of mankind) becomes the absolute truth. The way I deconstruct my religion, I would argue that if a person believes in God, they logically believe in the claim that absolute truth is God's alone. Therefore, any truth claimed by man could never be truism.
Therefore if a person thinks that they are right, absolutely right - then they fall into the concept of false consciousness. They perceive their reality as the absolute reality. Opposing (re/de)constructed reality will, according to their framework, be, well, wrong.
It is from this premise, I think, that conflict occurs. It is when our truth is above their truth (comparable to the concept of us/other). Difference can never be resolved if one party does not provide room to be wrong.
Following this logic, I think Marx got it right when he claimed that knowledge will free those enslaved by taken-for-granted reality. His concern was capitalism, the current concern of the contemporary world is social conflict. Perhaps to get things right, we need to allow ourselves to be wrong.
And I could be wrong.
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