Underachievers Anonymous

Tuesday, 18 July 2006
11.29 AM
Prins Hendrikkade, Amsterdam

Throughtout my (so-far-short-lived) life, I am a person who enjoys goals. I like driving myself towards an orientation - knowing what to do, where to go and how to get it. Perhaps it is the way I have been raised, perhaps it is the main example set in my life, perhaps it's just innate (if one could argue so). Nonetheless, it is a part of me that I cannot let go. At least not easily.

I find myself being attached to people similar to me. Most of my closest friends with whom I often contact for advice; people I admire - you know the deal. They are all self-driven, ambitious people. I come to realise though, as I know them, and myself, more... We are all, to some-extent, self-rigtheous.

Because we are so sure of ourselves, that of course gets us ahead in our careers, we tend to judge people who are not as fast-paced. We are a bit pretentious. We do not want to be deemed as weak, cry in public, love too much, want too less.

As hard for me to admit it, this is the one most important thing we, as self-driven people, do not possess. The ability to self-reflect in the process of achieving.

In short: we are obnoxious.

We think we know it all. We think we have all the answers. We never lose ourselves but we lose our humility from time to time. Those laid back and down-to-earth bring us back to 'reality' (or surreality?). That life isn't (only) about having goals, but loving (and being grateful of) tiny things in life that we overlook.

The annoying or sometimes beautiful things in life that make us be a better person by heart.

That lead to a life-long process of being humble. Providing space for error. Giving the benefit of the doubt to people different from us. Perceiving people, consistently by head not only by mouth, as different - not good or bad or over-analyse people's characters. Our friends are not our jobs. We do not have to make decisions for them.

We are not always right.

People have different frameworks in life.

You know these things, of course. But do you practice them in your heart?

You use them in your arguments, but do you actually not judge people who slack off? Or those who can't argue - perhaps, just perhaps, they chose not to argue because to them it's not worth it, not because, perhaps also, they realise they're not intelligible?

It makes me think.

I love having a career, knowing what to do next in my life. But I don't want to lose my desire to self-reflect either. I know we can't have both but, because life is not black and white, it also doesn't mean I have to let one go.

Perhaps the alternative goal is to learn from people you disagree with. To attempt to put your feet in their shoes and try to understand where they come from. After all, wrong is not wrong and right is not right. All of us, none immune, are somewhere in the middle.