12.04 PM
Prins Hendrikkade, Amsterdam
First thing's first. Happy birthday, Anggie. May the age 24 bring more wisdom, courage and humility.
***
Here I am in my apartment (my little corner of serenity) typing away with so many thoughts and so many study texts to read. I choose the former obviously.
I am in desperate attempt not to whine about the amount of work load I must do. Why did I sign in for an exam rewrite? Why did I say yes to the translating job? Why did I take 4 courses this semester when I could barely make 3 last time? Why did I.. Why didn't I?
Because I chose to do, that's why. Choices, like any other things in life, are irreversible and consequential. It does not always result in error avoidance but it almost always results in personal growth. We all make mistakes but only few actually learn from them and move on quickly and efficiently without regret.
Think about it. When was the last time you made the wrong choice without dwelling in it for some time? It could be 30 minutes, a day, a month. Wouldn't make a difference. If it were a true choice, it should have been made with realisation of consequences - hence, no regret if it doesn't end with the best of results because the possibility of downfall was estimated. As ideal as it sounds, it is almost robotic. Human error is inevitable.
I came to think about a woman's choice to domestic life. Agne Zekonyte, a Lithuanian student in my programme, asked me one day, "What do you think of women wanting to become house wives? After all their education, work and self-actualisation in society - they chose the role of a full-time mother."
Femminism has forced us, the women of the 21st century, to look down on domestic life. Especially women like me and Agne, who came all the way to another country just to study and learn through a well-established institution in order to progress in our academic/professional life. We are both married and we are both sound self-actualisers. It is only appropriate for us to avoid such choices. Or is it?
Never in my mind would I consider being a housewife prior to my life in Amsterdam. My priority is me. I must learn effectively and efficiently the 'how to-s' of surviving the competition. To be independent and even dependable financially, professionally, intellectually - all aspects regarded as direct contribution to the social system. What I got after marriage, is different.
On those days of scrubbing and writing assignments, I have gained respect to both lives. My life as someone's companion and my life as someone's pupil. It is just as hard to maintain a healthy relationship with food on the table, deep conversations over coffee, who cleans what when and which space is whose. That of dreams, wonders, fears, plans, sincerity and sharing is, to me, as hard as, if not harder than, working overtime due to a hardcore deadline and presenting a proposal the next morning in a language not your native.
It is, then, a matter of priority. Priorities shift with time and is relative with each person. Each person possesses different sets of framework and each cannot be imposed on the other. That's the art of it.
A woman letting go of her chances to become productive in society to raise a child 24-7 is not be looked down on by those who choose career. She dedicates her life to the betterment of another's without personal advantage. Such sincerity and courage, when looked down on, tells something about the person who does.
A woman letting go of her chances to give birth or raise a child to be useful for hundreds or even thousands of other people is not be looked down by those who choose to raise a family. She dedicates her life to the betterment of others whom she might not gain advantage from. Such sincerity and courage, when looked down on, tells something about the person who does.
Then there's someone like my mother. Who does both and juggles her life as a leader and her life as a mother to a teenager going through what might be the roughest time in his life. A woman who lives with the thought of not being able to give 100% to either roles, regardless of how good the results are, is not to be looked down on. Such sincerity and courage, when looked down on, tells something about the person who does.
None should look down on the other as none is the wiser. They are all equals with trials and errors and learning and failing - strength is too relative to judge with limitted indicators.
Life is about choice and choices are with but one characteristic - you can never have it all.
To my mother,
who is magnificent because of one thing -
she never does less than the best.
I love you with all my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment