Absolute Relativity

Wednesday, 13 September 2006
12.27AM
Koningsstraat, Amsterdam

I was biking home with Arya after doing our groceries one day when my mind drifted off...

Should the supermarket be point A and our house point B, there are 2 possible routes to take - let's call the first route X and the second Y. If Arya takes route X and I route Y, who will arrive first?

Mathematically, you can calculate the actual distance of the two routes, the margin of Arya and my biking speed, the weight we were carrying at the moment (assuming the more grocery weight we carry, the slower we bike), our muscle volume and, perhaps, wind power (please alert me if there are other definite variables). I just found it interesting that these variables are calculable and by contemplating them we can estimate who will arrive first to point B.

Interesting isn't it?

Then again, there's always the unexpected factor. It might rain, a pigeon might be crossing the road and we have to hit the brakes a bit, we might get muscle spasm, etc. And this unexpected factor is undeterminable.

Deduction: nothing is predictable. Even when you may estimate and possess the means to estimate, it is never absolute.

I began to think about relationships and how when we get to know our partner, we assume 'they know how we think and what we think'. In a quarrel, we often argue with: "Ya kamu kan kenal aku..." atau "Ya kamu kan tau aku kan orangnya emang gitu.."

We assume that they know and this becomes our motivation to, well, just be pissed. Theoretically, communication can be perceived as going from point A to point B. Even when dealing with calculable variables, there is always an unpredictable factor that might screw up the whole estimation. Apalagi with something as relative as perception.

Never delude yourself by being so sure that our partner knows us thus deliberately is hurting us by still doing the thing they know we hate. Perception is relative by itself, not to mention considering the possibility of unpredictability. Perhaps on that specific day of the fight, he/she has been obsessing about something else and not being able to focus, or they had a bad day that influences their better judgement, perhaps they were overworked that day.. The possibility goes on.

Sometimes it's as simple as this: If you want to be understood, try to understand first. If you want to be listened to, listen first. Nothing is absolute except relativity. To take that for granted is to mislead your own pattern of thinking.

Am I making any sense?

After all in terms of relationship, at the end of the day, we just want to go from point A to point B, regardless of the different routes we might choose.