(Sigh)

Wednesday, 8 April 2008
12.50PM
Haji Samali, Jakarta

One of the many things I realise during pregnancy is: my belly tends to freak people out. By people, I mean those who are not yet married or plan to. I seem to be a walking reminder that they need to walk faster.

Sometimes I ask myself: why?

I mean, why do we have to see it as a linear decision? Why do we have to finish school, get a job, get married, have kids, buy a house, and die? Why do we have to see it as a path instead of a choice?

Marriage is not for everyone: since my premise is I'd rather be single and happy than marry someone just because it's about time. Having kids is not for everyone: I'd rather donate money and help other children than have children and not raise them properly. It also goes the other way around: full-time jobs are not for everyone, traveling is not for everyone, living on the edge is not for everyone.

I think basically, we all feel threatened by those who remind us of who we are not. Because they disconfirm our choices, they make us re-question our decisions. After all, we all need validation. Evidence that what we are doing is right.

Problem is, right and wrong is not left and right. My decision to quit working is not less than the fact that other pregnant women are capable to continue working. I knew my limits and I chose my priorities. My limits and choices are not applicable to other people and vice versa.

So I guess it's mostly about knowing who we are and what we want. Instead of dwelling on the things we think we should have, we could focus on the things we know we do. Family, a job we love, friends we can really talk to. After all, no matter how rich, how high up the career ladder, how beautiful and brilliant your children might be, none of these are solid indicators of happiness.

So why worry?