Ch-ch-ch-changes

Saturday, 3 February 2007
3.55pm
Koningsstraat, Amsterdam

Do you ever wonder whether you've made the right decisions in life, that brought you to where you are now? Do you occasionally, or perhaps frequently, realise that your life sucks as compared to others? That they go to more places, meet more interesting people or make a living from inspiring jobs. And these circumstances force you to dwell upon the fact that maybe, just maybe, you've made a mistake and this invisible ball and chain suddenly appears.

It's not just you.

Some cultural anthropologists think that women straighten their hair, men go to the gym and bulk up, and people in general follow trends because it remains a tendency for society to conform to a dominant view which have tools to spread cultural imperialism. Beauty means make up, tall = good, short = bad, fair skin = good, dark skin = bad. Some individuals or communities resort to the opposite just to rebel against the mainstream. It is the well-established theory of hegemony. It comes with a fight. But if you look further into the pond, the shallow end might appear so because we're just not used to the light.

Maybe we change how we look because we need change. Maybe we don't like listening to the songs everyone likes because we are simply, well, bored. Routine does help us systemise our lives, true. But once in a blue moon, you find yourself taking the long route just because you need a change of scenery. You take a day off work and play hookie because you know tomorrow you'll be in front of that desk again - at least then you would be able to smile remembering how you enjoyed that day off. Same goes for vacations, travelling, dining out, going to the movies, concerts. We all need a breath of fresh air now and again. Assuming that this is acceptable, perhaps it's not so much different from swimming: at some point, you need to come up for air.

So how does it relate to our decisions in life?

As adults, we are all inclined to make decisions and remain consequential. Consistence is the way to mature and any other pain in the process is to be suppressed by responsibility. It is wrong and ungrateful to want the things we can't have because we have made our bed and we need to sleep in it. But it's one thing to deny it by pressuring ourselves based on responsibility and it's another to accept it as a human tendency and rethink the bigger picture.

I would argue that maturity is not about being able to suppress your urges. I would say it is about accepting our flaws and being able to infer the broader view. For example, no matter how good a relationship you are in; there will always be an interesting guy/girl that might make you think, "Did I get married too soon?" But as Rob Gordon says to Laura in High Fidelity, '...every other girl will always have cotton underwear, but I am used to yours'. Sure, the things you can't have will always seem better than what you have. Because we all have a tendency to need change. Everything is fabolous the first minute and before you know it, you need a vacation. The two extreme poles of our reaction towards life are stressed on the left and bored on the right. It is when we reach either end that we want to get to the other. Considering this; you have two options: either assessing the cost and benefit of sticking to your original decision and accepting its flaws or just keep on moving to the next thing and suffer the risks of losing what you already have. Have bangs, start wearing skirts, buy a new car.

But one thing remains: it's sometimes simpler than the pressure we put on ourselves. It's knowing what you want and finding ways to get it. Pragmatically speaking, to go on with life 'maturely', would you rather be bored or stressed?