The Classic 'Us' and 'Others'

Saturday, 16 June 2007
01.06PM
Koningsstraat, Amsterdam

Traveling and relocation has been vastly studied culturally. One of the most interesting findings, I think, is the argument that the idea of being 'far away from home' can create a sense of fraternity. For instance, you commune with people from your country of origin and stick with them despite the fact that you would not hang out with these people if it weren't for you being in another country.

In other cases, there is the probability of an emmerging international community. You commune with people with the same values. You detach yourself from you national identity and decide to embrace the difference that comes with cultural incompatibilities.

None the wiser, none the better.

I just find it interesting how we attempt to deal with difference. Some people become very defensive with how they are and offend anything that disconfirms their perceiving of things (comparable to extremism) - basically for the fear of unknown threats. Some people are not offensive, but perceive anything different from their own as, well, 'weird' (comparable to judgemental). Regardless of how the 'challenged dealings with difference' surface, it manifests from the lack of willingness to understand.

At some points of my living in Amsterdam, I do find myself being on the offence. I feel threatened when a friend judges who or how I am, the choices I make or what I do. But at the end, I decide it is far more self-empowering to stop and think why they are like this, as opposed to protecting myself from something that shouldn't matter.

House to Cameron, "Why should you care what I think? What's important is what you think."

By understanding why certain things are as they are, we equip ourselves with the necessary tools to understand others. We are actually gathering data that is needed to approach 'subjects' and 'employ the signs that they understand'. For example (please ignore the over-generalisation), when talking to a Dutch person you talk about weather and winter trips to sunny Indonesia, when talking to a North American you talk about Hollywood culture.

There are limits though. Sometimes no matter how much you learn about someone's cultural background, your message can never come through. The conceptual maps that are planted in their heads are so different from ours that nothing we can formulate is acceptable/computable to them. It is almost as if we are speaking in different languages. At these times, we can only withdraw and retreat. Energy spent would be energy wasted (bak buang garem ke laut).

Sometimes I just think of how amazing it is the journey of finding yourself through your interaction with others, without even being 'carried by the flow'. We are ourselves. We have our chosen identities before our 'interaction with difference'. I guess sometimes difference helps confirm who we are. Without putting ourselves in other people's shoes, how do you know we are wearing the right size?