End of the Year Reflection

Approaching their last semester, I frequently hear students questioning themselves 'What they are going to do for a living', 'Who they are going to be', and 'What they will do'. As much as I think strategising and planning for the future is very important, I can't help but wonder about what makes me content.

It is not in ensuring financial security or getting a permanent position.
It is not in professional achievements or peer acknowledgement.
It is for the passion in what I do, that I do what I do with heart.
It is for believing that what I do is somehow important.
And work becomes one of the ways I expand my own identity.
Just like my being a mother. Just like my being a partner.
Just like my being a daughter and sister.
A bestfriend and a citizen.

I know it sounds like I come from a la-la land where everyone sings Kumbaya. But I reflect how I had jumped from one job to another, to find my place in this world and a profession instead of an occupation.

I am more than glad I listened to that calling from within. That sometimes, by figuring out 'Who we are', 'What we do for a living' becomes an easy answer.

Enough is Not Enough

I vividly remember how my brain hurt while I was writing my thesis, how I felt that I have reached my limits and that this is the best that I can do - no more. How after surpassing that, I realised that things made much more sense afterwards. Somewhere along the process I actually understood, and now looking back I know I can write a 100-150 page research on another topic.

And yet we arrive to the same point. Where upon my 50.000th word of my PhD thesis, I stumbled. Surrounded by dozens of books and a string of tabs on my browser, once again my brain said: Enough.

And my head hurt all over again on a whole new level.

The difference now is that I know this is a journey where my comprehension is tested and pushed further. That the only way to learning is to actually force myself to know more.

And I do hope for the rest of my life I get these stumbles. Because then I know I'm continually growing, continually learning. It's when I don't feel that I have reached my limits that I should actually be concerned; because it means I am unchallenged.

Having said that, it could be a research paper or juggling work and family; or both; or relocating to another country; or a first day at a new job; or letting go of a loved one; or anything - being desperate and having a moment where we feel like this is 'enough' is actually the moment where we can actually grow beyond what we were capable before.

And the journey continues.

Cheers.

CDA

Had a session this morning with my supervisors. Currently comparing different interpretations of (if not only different because their multidisciplinary nature - that is what I have to find out) Critical Discourse Analysis (CDA) and select three methods to identify said discourse in three different, yet interrelating, units of analysis.

Cry.

I'm strongly suspicious that I have overestimated my brain capacity.