Nilai Rasa

I wish I could express myself in writing in Bahasa Indonesia as fast as I can write in English. I am not a native English speaker and I am Indonesian. My thesis is about Indonesia. And yet, when it comes to expressing myself, I do it faster in English. Words pour out of me. I do not stutter in finding the right word as I do in Indonesian (Embrace? Merengkuh? Memeluk? Carry? Bopong? Gendong?). I read one of one of my students' blog and I am in awe with his grasp of the language.

I don't have that linguistic connection to be able to retrieve words like sekelindan, derau, sangkil, meracau to explain myself in writing (or verbally, for that matter) as many journalists and academics do.

Nilai rasa.

The first language I learned was English. My parents brought me to the States when I was 2 years old or so and returned 3-4 years later. I couldn't speak a word in Bahasa Indonesia. So maybe that's why.

But I wasn't raised in an English speaking country as an adolescent. I'm stuck in an intermediate level of English. So it's not exactly ideal in terms of being an English speaker either.

Alas! I am a student and I will learn how to. I promise, when I finish my thesis, I'll sit in a Bahasa Indonesia literature course in FIB, UI and learn how to write in advance Bahasa Indonesia.

PS: I can't even bring myself to write this post in Indonesian. I tried and it felt superficial. Terkesan meracau (ha!).