Learning to Be

This semester I'm teaching one of my favourite classes: Critical Analysis on Indonesian Mass Media. We were talking about Frankfurt School's Erich Fromm and his idea on 'to have or to be'. We talked about how in a capitalistic society, we have a tendency, that we are built, to possess. That in purchasing things, consuming things, we have no other notion than to possess everything else in life.

It extends into how we treat our loved ones. That they, too, are our possession. That if they are not within our reach, they are not there.

I see my son and how he's growing into his own person. I imagine the day when he decides to experience his own journey and make decisions I might not have expected him to. And I refer to Fromm's idea that he is not mine.

Nothing is essentially ours.

What we have is the experience. The journey, so to speak. It's a depressing thought, to think that everything is temporary - but it inevitably is.

And I think only by letting go can we truly be.

End of the Year Reflection

Approaching their last semester, I frequently hear students questioning themselves 'What they are going to do for a living', 'Who they are going to be', and 'What they will do'. As much as I think strategising and planning for the future is very important, I can't help but wonder about what makes me content.

It is not in ensuring financial security or getting a permanent position.
It is not in professional achievements or peer acknowledgement.
It is for the passion in what I do, that I do what I do with heart.
It is for believing that what I do is somehow important.
And work becomes one of the ways I expand my own identity.
Just like my being a mother. Just like my being a partner.
Just like my being a daughter and sister.
A bestfriend and a citizen.

I know it sounds like I come from a la-la land where everyone sings Kumbaya. But I reflect how I had jumped from one job to another, to find my place in this world and a profession instead of an occupation.

I am more than glad I listened to that calling from within. That sometimes, by figuring out 'Who we are', 'What we do for a living' becomes an easy answer.

Enough is Not Enough

I vividly remember how my brain hurt while I was writing my thesis, how I felt that I have reached my limits and that this is the best that I can do - no more. How after surpassing that, I realised that things made much more sense afterwards. Somewhere along the process I actually understood, and now looking back I know I can write a 100-150 page research on another topic.

And yet we arrive to the same point. Where upon my 50.000th word of my PhD thesis, I stumbled. Surrounded by dozens of books and a string of tabs on my browser, once again my brain said: Enough.

And my head hurt all over again on a whole new level.

The difference now is that I know this is a journey where my comprehension is tested and pushed further. That the only way to learning is to actually force myself to know more.

And I do hope for the rest of my life I get these stumbles. Because then I know I'm continually growing, continually learning. It's when I don't feel that I have reached my limits that I should actually be concerned; because it means I am unchallenged.

Having said that, it could be a research paper or juggling work and family; or both; or relocating to another country; or a first day at a new job; or letting go of a loved one; or anything - being desperate and having a moment where we feel like this is 'enough' is actually the moment where we can actually grow beyond what we were capable before.

And the journey continues.

Cheers.