Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Subjectiveness of Compatibility

I am the kind of person who, before disagreeing with something, tries her best to understand the logic behind each argument.

But until this moment, I cannot bring myself to understand the logic behind parents objecting marriages based on social difference. That their daughter or son should not be married to someone who is not as educated, not as stable financially, not 'equal' in social status - which in itself are all subjective.

I do however understand why social acknowledgments mean nothing to me. My concept of a marriage is based on the compatible views of two people in living their lives. They should read their beliefs and values in compatible ways - upon which all the debate on moral and ethical issues are based on. Life is full of these debates of right and wrong. From raising a child to taking or leaving a job. Life is full of gray areas and you need to find someone whose values in life reflect and remind you of who you strive to be.

Since for me, education, wealth, achievements are not the goal - they are the 'false milestones' which easily sway us from our end goals which, I think, is simply trying to be a better human being. Who empathises, recognises social disparities and, through what I know and do, try to contribute to society. In order to do that I need to be educated, through education my knowledge becomes valuable economically, through that I contribute to the household. These are merely processes and to me they are interchangeable with reading reflective books, praying, smiling, giving charity, holding my son.

I am at a point where I always say to myself that these are my choices, my values upon which I attract and am attracted to certain types of people in my life (attract = surrounding ourselves with). They do not reflect superiority or inferiority. They reflect differences in valuing things in life.

I understand that social background then for them is important. They are the goals. That life is about living comfortably, financially sound, being regarded by people who are also regarded in similar ways socially. I can understand that, but it doesn't mean I agree.

I would much rather Malik be wise than 'acknowledged'. Acknowledgment is a broad concept, don't you think. You could be the least socially acknowledged person on earth but with wisdom, you will always find ways to be of use to other people. And I would want Malik to be with someone who reminds him of that purpose, which requires a good heart and sound judgement.

I know I sound naive, that life is complicated and we live in a capitalistic society. But I think life is supposed to be simple. We are the ones who put too much pressure on everything. With making money and being praised we tend to forget the things that actually matter.

That as human beings, we can never be absolutely right. And to each person their journey.

This includes our children.

1 comment:

cydinn said...

Inaaa, I love this whole subject of ways of raising a child and false social values.. kangen berdiskusi denganmuuuu!