ALA Farewell Reception

Friday, 12 December 2009
10.41 AM
Haji Samali, Jakarta

Yesterday evening was ALA's farewell at the Australian Ambassador's house. Since Arya and I don't have a sitter, we brought Malik with us. When I entered the packed room full of people conversing and their hors d'oeuvre; I was afraid we made the wrong decision.

'I hope it's OK that I brought my son, we don't have a sitter,' I said to the hosts.
'Oh don't worry! We're very family-oriented here,' said Madamme Ambassador.

But Malik was very content throughout the evening. Perhaps it was all the funny looking, various hair coloured people who kept smiling at him and spoke to him in funny languages. Perhaps it was the mind-boggling fact that everyone clapped their hands at the same time whenever a person stopped talking. But he was very much well-behaved.

Regardless of the fact that it was an honour to receive the award and be put up to par with such amazing people from various backgrounds, I felt that my biggest pride (if that is not a bad thing to have) is that my son is able to cooperate with his parents from such a young age.

'He can sleep even with this much noise?' a person asked Arya after seeing Malik snoring in his arms.
'Too much wine,' Arya said. Hehe.

I guess it's true. When you treat your child as an adult, they will act like an adult.

'Dari semua kejadian tadi malam, Malik, Mama paling bangga sama kamu,' I said on the ride home. He stared blankly at me and yawned.

***

The second thing that caught my attention was all the praise they gave to Arya. They were all amazed with the support he's giving his wife and the opportunity he's giving to his son. This treatment, we've never received from Indonesians.

Whenever people found out that the wife is getting her PhD and the husband is joining her, people look at Arya condescendingly as if thinking, 'Kok mau sih lo 'dibawa' istri.'

'Kalo orang yang kenal Arya sih, Na, gak bakalan mikir gitu,' a friend said to me.

Not many people know the fact that Arya was the one who drove me to the interview and held my hand in support 8 days after labour. Not many people know the fact that Arya was the one who forced me back into working after giving birth to Malik. Not many people know the fact that Arya consciously chose to be an entrepreneur for flexible working hours so that he could also be an active parent.

That these were conscientious decisions. And that this is, I think, a sign of strength in character and will, instead of a sign of weakness if seen from a patriarchal view.

It's just sad, I think, that people from different cultural backgrounds can comprehend and respect Arya and my decision more that people we grew up with and have known us for years.

Madamme Ambassador, stroking Malik's back, 'Just remember, all of this is for him.'

And then I smiled. From my heart.